Fifty Head Coaching Hires Who Would Have Been Worse Than Jim Caldwell

In an attempt to provide some optimism for the many Detroit Lions fans whose visages are currently frozen in WTF-face upon hearing about the hire of Jim Caldwell as head coach, the Zone Reads writing crew brainstormed some potential hires who would have been even worse:

  1. Greg Schiano
  2. Gregg Williams
  3. Lane Kiffin
  4. Monte Kiffin
  5. Jason Garrett
  6. Eric Mangini
  7. Mark Mangino
  8. Chan Gailey
  9. Rich Kotite
  10. Les Steckel
  11. Jim Mora, Sr.
  12. Bernie Madoff
  13. Ted Cruz
  14. Larry the Cable Guy
  15. Maya Angelou
  16. James Deen
  17. Isiah Thomas
  18. Skip Bayless
  19. Emmitt Smith
  20. Stephen A. Smith
  21. Mr. Smith of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (ed. note: Upon further review, Mr. Smith’s gift with an inspirational speech makes this inconclusive. Let’s fix that:)
    Bobby Petrino
  22. Al Pacino
  23. Larry Brown
  24. Donald Brown
  25. Charlie Brown
  26. James Brown (the studio analyst)
  27. James Brown (the Godfather of Soul)
  28. Ike Turner
  29. Tina Turner
  30. Ted Turner
  31. Turner from Turner and Hooch
  32. Hooch from Turner and Hooch
  33. Luther Campbell, singer of “Hoochie Mama”
  34. Luther Vandross
  35. Martin Luther
  36. Martin Luther King, Jr. (dead only)
  37. Mrs. King from Scarecrow and Mrs. King
  38. James King
  39. LeBron James
  40. Dwyane Wade
  41. Wade Blasingame, attorney at law
  42. Wade Blasingame, former pitcher
  43. Wade Phillips
  44. Wilson Phillips (any or all)
  45. Wilson the volleyball from Cast Away
  46. Tom Hanks (ed. note: not to be confused with Turner from Turner and Hooch)
  47. Merton Hanks
  48. Carlton Banks
  49. Banksy
  50. Jim Schwartz
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